January 2012
8 posts
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I now have in my possession fine copies of Mr. Midshipman Hornblower and Lieutenant Hornblower, as well as the first three books of Glen Cook’s fabled (and impossible to find offline) Black Company series, so you may assume that my “paying attention to the Internet” meter is at zero or below. You may reach me through Twitter, or any one of the nefarious other social media demons...
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“Furthermore (and this is perhaps the essential point of my reflections), time,...”
– Jorge Luis Borges, “Averroës’ Search,” from The Aleph.
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When you become ancient, as I am, teenage Tumblr, it will be the rare day that you are up a whole night drinkin until nine in the morning, and when you finally fall into bed, you will realize that the best part of it all is the near-sexual fervor with which you embrace your blankets and leap into a hopefully-dreamless sleep.
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“Shapiro finally called time on the Q&A session and asked a final question of...”
–
Capital: Talking about addiction, recovery, and writing with David Carr, Mary Karr, Alan Kaufman, and Elizabeth Wurtzel by Miranda Popkey
(via barthel)
I have to confess, my respect for Mary Karr just dropped a few points. Infinite Jest is only 950 or so pages, plus 100 pages of footnotes....
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Can’t stop the rock and roll.
fancyismymiddlename asked: I actually legitimately like them, nay, love them, in fact I still have the copy of Deluxe I bought with my allowance in 1994, but I couldn't help myself. I just found that photo and nearly died. High five for your excellent taste, my good man.
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How is it possible that the same guy who won the Nobel Peace Prize is ordering overseas drone strikes on countries we’re not at war with in order to assassinate US citizens without benefit of hearing or trial? How is anyone able to justify a vote for this bastard? I’m serious. If anyone can justify this, please do explain it to me.
December 2011
40 posts
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I am tired of you hipster jackasses with your vintage photo filter apps/”I don’t understand reeeelatiooonshiiiips” flash fiction and so have decided to take my girlfriend to Florida for the new year. Regular posting will resume in three weeks, or when I am done hanging out at the beach (three weeks). Jah love, see you soon, fuck off, etc.
As Fools Do
The night air is bitter, clear and cold on your side of the mountain. No snow this December nor will there be. Only the disintegrating drifts of leaves that wash across the driveways and sidewalks. A last bath in the crackling memories of a dead spring past. The new life yet long months away and seemingly never to come.
We drink wine now as an entertainment but it was not always so. Once it was...
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Three of an Endless Succession of Eerie Facts...
many people do in fact Google my name after having met me and then proceed to become acquainted with me to a psychologically unhealthy degree far ahead of time (at least once leading to an unfortunate romantic fixation/sexual liaison that kind of killed a burgeoning friendship);
people I already know find the blog, read it, do not mention that they read it, and discuss it with others, which is...
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The loud guy on his phone sitting behind me on the...
southtwelfth:
Q: Are you into welding?
A: I’m fucking into welding, man. I can fucking weld anything, no shit. Number one in my fucking welding class.
Q: So who can you weld better than?
A: I can weld better than all of those motherfuckers at St. Paul Technical College.
Q: I’ve heard you often drink for free. How are you able to do this?
A: I’m in a fucking rock band, man. We play all...
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Four First Paragraphs of Stories I Have Not...
“The old woman wanted Platt on a plane to Raleigh by sixteen hundred but he wanted to meet in person, which is why he was sitting in the back corner booth of the Home Turf Sports Bar in LAX drumming his fingers on the table and wishing for a cigarette. There were no cigarettes and there weren’t going to be any. He had quit for the seventh time and thrown his last pack of kreteks in a trash...
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Things That Make Me Unfollow a Blog Faster Than...
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“Red river, red river,
Slow flow heat is silence
No will is still as a river...”
– T.S. Eliot, “Virginia,” part II of “Landscapes,” from The Complete Poems and Plays 1909-1950.
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Last Thoughts Before the Revolution
My father the king was god, my father the king is dead; him and his chariot lost on twilit shores of unhappy isles. When I was young, I walked the windgraven standing stones, that point out the swordbelt of Orion, the dusky unwinking eye of Mars; into the lith, a dagger carved, the sign of dead druids, long laid in the barrow. What shall mark my grave? Not a word. They will pry the garnets from my...
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This is David Duffy’s comment on my previous post about intellectual piracy:
Yeah, I agree that people should take a stand, but what makes her books worth 20€, way way above the average? Just because she won a $1m literary prize? No surprise the books are being pirated. It’s like paying £10 for a cup of tea.
Being an American I don’t have a distinct understanding of European...
The Novelist Versus the Pirates →
Thank God that the creative professions are striking a blow against intellectual property theft (and it’s not just Metallica this time).
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“A man took for granted a woman’s understanding of his penis but...”
– Jonathan Franzen, Strong Motion.
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The great evasion, and thus the great lie, of progressive philosophies is the ascription of evil to any and all causes except the desires of our own hearts.
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And the number one reason this blogging platform needs a dedicated comment system is having to scroll through the twenty-seven hundred back-and-forth posts of someone having a mind-numbingly dull conversation with one of their followers of no general interest whatever. Thanks.
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For Future Reference, This is How I Figure Out the...
Q: What do you think students should be taught as far as literature and poetry go? [also something about The Canon which I do not remember]*
A: Why you even got to ask this question, like it’s a thing. Ain’t no answer to this question. Ain’t no end to it. This question is a trap like “what is love?” is a trap and we are not talking about no semi-parodically-understood ancient-of-days clubbing song, we are talking about it in all caps like What Is Love and Is There Free Will In The World and What Is The Point Of It All, You Know, Like Do I Mean Anything To Anyone. You and I could have some strong drinks in our hands and “rap” about these questions for an age and ain’t neither of us would decide nothing, we would just maybe on the morrow have headaches and really bad dry mouth and perhaps our wallets or purses would be much less healthily fat with the currencies of our lands.
Q: … [this represents silence]
A: What is sure about this for me is that you got to start with some good old Homer and Hesiod, dudes who were Greek back when being Greek meant carving pillars, pissing off Trojans and inventing the idea of "having opinions," instead of today when being Greek means being named "Nick Popodopopolakos" and having chunky faux-gold man-rings. Those cats talked about true life back when iron was like the internet is now: a thing that made old folks shake their heads and be like, “Nothing is the same as it was when we all got together and thought up wearin’ textiles do you know what I mean.” Those two wrote some righteous things about war and farming and human emotions, all of which are basically the same although today they got such as laser-guided corn and genetically modified sadness, don’t you know.
*: This was a question asked by isbrianna.tumblr.com, who characterizes the answer as "mildly terrifying." Thanks Brianna for giving me the opportunity to talk about my opinions. I like to have opinions in public.
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“White in the moon the long road lies,
The moon stands blank above;
White in...”
– A.E. Housman, “White in the moon the long road lies,” from A Shropshire Lad.
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“You, if a man may, dare aspire to KNOW:
And that this aim shall differ from a...”
– Robert Browning, “Paracelsus.”
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“In the beginning was the Golden Age, when men of their own accord, without...”
– Ovid, Metamorphoses, 1955 Innes translation.
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“When her friends spoke of love, of men they had loved, Ottilie became sulky: How...”
– Truman Capote, “House of Flowers,” from Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Three Stories.
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Literature is Immortal, Except When It Comes to...
In the past, hardcover books, especially quality printings, were almost entirely bound in cloth, but by the time I was a child, most printings, even of quality publishing houses, became half-and-half: cloth spine and first third of covers, while the remaining two-thirds are paper (cardboard, really). Now, even quality publishing houses bind most of their books entirely in paper or cardboard,...
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“For it is not likely either that fire or earth or any such element should be the...”
– Aristotle, Metaphysics, 1924 Ross translation.
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President Obama could have sent a message to advocates of civil liberties that he was not going to stand idly by and allow the Constitution to be castrated by a wayward Congress today. He could have vetoed NDAA, come what may, and disallowed the indefinite imprisonment of terror “suspects,” up to and including American citizens, without the due process of hearing and trial.
The...
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“For as the eyes of bats are to the blaze of day, so is the reason in our soul to...”
– Aristotle, Metaphysics, 1924 Ross translation.
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Here’s the thing about reading the Poetic Edda: you might be turned off by ancient diction, metered stanzas of dialogue, and all the backstory—I, manifestly, am not—but still you should take a look, because unlike modern fantasy, where more time is spent talking about how badass the heroes are than actually getting shit done, the Norse just get right to the point. Every other page, somebody...
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On Plagiarism… Specifically, Mine (Maybe)
In the interest of full disclosure, it appears that a previous post may unknowingly echo a line in a speech of Hubert Humphrey’s (Vice President of the United States in the LBJ administration) to the National Student Council.
He said:
I wish to suggest that ample opportunity does exist for dissent, for protest, and for nonconformity. But I must also say that the right to be heard does not...
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“And they shall stretch their arms and starting, wake
With “Helen!”...”
– Sara Teasdale, “Helen of Troy,” from Helen of Troy and Other Poems.
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You have a right to be heard. You do not have a right to be taken seriously.
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I’m going to be honest: I’m very bored by modern literature. Especially modern short fiction.
There seems to be a serious house style going on here: bleak verbs. No adverbs. As few and uninteresting adjectives as possible. “Show, don’t tell” is the highest commandment of narrative. Resolution should be kept to an absolute minimum. Characters should be almost wholly...
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Ways I Have Angered My Girlfriend Today
Told her she had “ruuuuuuude titties ;)” on Gchat.
Told her to “taste some lol” on Gchat.
Asked her “u liek???!!” on Gchat.
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I fucking love when a company updates its app interface without telling you how, especially when the interface now includes multiple transparent overlaying menus and all the button mappings have changed.
One day, I am going to sneaking into these fucking UI designers’ garages and replace their cars’ steering wheels with seven unlabeled levers, a blinking dial and a trackball, just for...
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Do we drink to justify our use of the internet, or use the internet in order to justify our drinking?
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killingcharlemagne asked: I know that wiki states the fictional nature of this quote. And I myself have researched. Though it being a perfect statement, being said by Sean Connery while holding an umbrella on the beach, I will attribute it to the King none the less. haha
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So I finished a draft of a short story that was twelve pages long and realized it wasn’t working because of a particular element. Rewrote two pages and then realized justifying those changes will require another, I don’t know, say twenty motherfucking pages.
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One of the best things about being a veteran of the armed forces is, when you’re in a restaurant for dinner, carrying on a private rant about how the Senate has agreed to let the military lock up American citizens indefinitely without trial, and some “patriotic” douchebag starts trying to give you shit, you can turn, look him in the eyes and ask his French fry-munching,...
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I hate to say I told you so—no, wait, who am I kidding? I fucking love being right—but it looks like the Muslim Brotherhood are now the boys in charge in Egypt. Showing strong support, also, is Al-Nour: I’m seeing numbers like 20-25%.
In case y’all aren’t sure who Al-Nour are, they’re a Salafist party, one of the charming branches of Islam that believes in...
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Man, if you think about it for a minute, the idea that there is an invisible, deadly power running through the walls of my home that produces light at my command—and that this invisible power is summoned by burning the liquified corpses of massive forests full of giant lizards that ruled the planet millions of years ago—well, I mean…
Fuck, dude, I am a wizard.
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Is Angela (used to be “Wild Tigers I Have Known”) still blogging anywhere? She sent me a message with what she was up to and where she disappeared to a while ago, but I misplaced it. Anyone know? Situation resolved; thanks kids.
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A philosophy or worldview where all results can be explained or derived is desirable (or, at least, not abhorrent). Agree or disagree?
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My Friends' Marriage Is Like This
A: I need you to move this box.
B: (while playing video games) My back. I can't lift anything!
A: Bullshit. Bullshit!
B: (magic fireball-tossing gesture, magic fireball-tossing sound effect)
A: I'm going to magic fireball you in a minute, mister.
B: (while getting up to move box) Only if that can be a sex act.
November 2011
26 posts
2 tags
Valuable Life Lessons Learned From Skyrim
If you must steal, steal only objects that have a high value-to-weight ratio.
It’s important to have a significant other, so you can have someone to carry your extensive collection of dragon bones.
Tall people really hate it when you disrespect elephants.
If someone asks you do something that you don’t like the sound of, go to the person they hate the most and offer to do the exact...